What do you want?

What do you want? I mean, what do you REALLY want?

Ove the past few months, this question keeps coming up with clients, friends and even myself. On the surface, the question seems simple, right? The complexity comes when we quiet our minds and really consider the answer beyond the script we often recite. That’s because the script is often written by others – broader society, our family and those we love, ever-present media, the institutions where we learn and work and so on. The challenge is to move beyond what we think we want and gently investigate what we know we want.

This can be challenging, and there are some good reasons why.

Often, we may never really consider what it is we want, partly because we are used to never being asked. In 2024, my 78-year-old American mother decided she wanted to visit Wales and spend the first 4 days of her trip hiking. As it turned out, no one wanted to come with her without trying to change the plan to hike, so she travelled solo. I helped coordinate logistics here and at one point asked her what she wanted to do. She paused, and I could tell she was struggling to answer. She finally admitted, “No one has ever asked me that before.” That was a bit heartbreaking to hear, but it’s also more common that we think to have that experience. (note: My mom had an amazing, life-changing trip, partly because she designed it)

Day 4 of hiking with my mom in Pembrokeshire, Wales.

Answering the question takes honesty, but probably the harder part is having a willingness to listen and hear the truth. If you do the work to take away the noise and give yourself permission to admit what it is you want, what are the words you hear? How easy is it to hear your truth?

If you’re able to articulate what you want, sometimes that can come with judgement. We can often easily dismiss what we want as not possible or asking for too much. A helpful practice is to simply articulate what you want and see what it feels like to sit with and hold your desires without judging them or dismissing them.

Sometimes it’s easier to just go with the flow. Years ago, I picked up a postcard of man standing on the edge of a cliff that read, “If you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space.” While that has been a mantra of mine, it’s not typically the easy choice. As someone who is a self-confessed edge dweller, it can be daunting and lonely when what you want and need is outside the mainstream of what is expected, demanded or even mandated.

Hiking recently with my dog, Fred, on the Pembrokeshire coast near where I live.

For some, the answer isn’t always clear. For others, they aren’t yet ready to admit the truth. Even that is a great place to be because it demonstrates self-awareness, and that’s a great place to begin. Instead of examining what it is you want, you can work with moving closer to knowing.

So, what is it you really want?

And please get in touch if you want to gently but effectively explore that with me as your coach and guide.