The Power Witnessing
I was in the pub last Friday evening speaking with Princess Di (her affectionate nickname), an 80-something villager who always gets a bit dressed up for the pub and has often spoken to me about arriving in Wales decades ago to run the pub we’re sitting in. Back then she had a flirty mouth, short skirts and, as a result, a tendency to rub the local women the wrong way. She often tells me she tries to behave, but then she tells a story that clearly demonstrates she never intends to. During our recent Friday evening chat between stories, Di reminded me she hates her photograph being taken, even though at some point I definitely will capture her beautiful, playful soul in a picture. Our village princess isn’t alone in that sentiment, and I have a theory about why that is. I have photographed so many people now who say they don’t like their photo taken, but then after our time together admit they had fun and enjoyed their shoot with me. As humans, we like to be seen for who we are – witnessed by others who appreciate and accept who we are. Most of the time, photographs aren’t meant to capture our soulful, beautiful selves, but an idealised smiling or professional or sexy version of who we are supposed to be. No wonder people hate having their photos taken when, like Princess Di, it means toning it down or behaving! As a photographer, my intent is always to be a witness, but that means creating a safe place for someone to show up as themselves.
In fact, we live in a world that values conformity, adherence to what we generally understand as a norm. We see this play out every day in politics, society and certainly at work. So, there is something quietly revolutionary when you actually choose to live and be authentically yourself. However, the reality is that being seen can feel very vulnerable, so we often learn to modify how we show up and regulate the parts of ourselves we let others see. We can even be reluctant to take a long, hard look at ourselves because admitting what we really want or need can be unnerving. This is why truly being seen by others and clearly seeing ourselves can be one of the most healing and transformative experiences we can have.
When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to be truly seen and are met with presence instead of judgment by close friends, colleagues, a supportive group or ourselves, something powerful happens. We’re reminded of who we are. We remember we’re not alone. We strengthen the connection we have to ourselves and to others. We experience healing and strengthen our ability to live, work and dream as our authentic selves.
But, there is still the problem of being vulnerable, which can be challenging even for me. Who else has difficulty in being vulnerable?! If I’m honest, being seen as ‘having it together’ has been part of my personal brand, so I have had to work on being more real and honest with those around me when it’s more likely I feel like I’m hanging by an existential thread rather than having it all together. Over time, I have learned the value of being open with close friends, different groups of colleagues and engage with coaches/therapists when it makes sense. Sometimes I need a witness who has seen the real me, so when I get stuck, feel defeated or can’t see a way through a challenging situation, they can remind me I am strong, smart, capable, kind, creative, caring, and lead with love.
I also use different kinds of workshops or group experiences, and these are great to help accelerate what I need to know or need to learn. Openness can be enhanced when the intent of a workshop is to be a safe place to learn and explore, and I invest the time and effort to focus on what it is I want to explore or learn. For me, it’s the dedicated space and time to stop doing regular life stuff so I can simply ‘be’ for a few hours or a few days.
I’m also fortunate to live in a community where there are spaces like the pub where I and others can show up as ourselves. I make sure I take the time to speak with everyone who comes in to catch up and learn about their lives – to witness who they are. I always enjoy the chats with Princess Di, and I make sure she knows I see her and appreciate how she has chosen to live out loud for so many years. I am inspired by that approach to life, and I look forward to capturing her image in a way that lets her witness how beautiful and amazing she is.
Along with the amazing Gyongyver Szabo, I will be running a workshop that includes safe space to witness self and others. Check out HEADSHOT: A Pause, A Picture, A Possibility and consider joining us for a wonderfully transformative experience in London on 22 June.
